Not Myself Tonight
by 4CullensandaBlack
Summary: What if the uprising never happened? What if President Snow used Katniss, like he did Finnick? Would she have been sold to the highest bidder? This night was supposed to be magical but it slowly turned into just another nightmare. ***Disclaimer: If you are not able to vote, you can't read.


**FAGEtastic Four**

**Title: **Not Myself Tonight

**Written for: **M. B. Massin

**Written By: **4CullensandaBlack

**Rating: **M/NC-17

**Summary: **What if the uprising never happened? What if President Snow used Katniss, like he did Finnick?Would she have been sold to the highest bidder?This night was supposed to be magical but it slowly turned into just _another_ nightmare.

**Prompt used****:** They can do whatever they want but must include a tree.

Thanks you, Zen for beta'ing this so well for me.

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**community/Fagetastic_Four/98339/**

**A/N: Past is in bold, **while present is not.

Standing in front of a full length floor to ceiling mirror in this bright blue, wait, sorry, cerulean, bathroom and it feels like a blur. It's about the same size of my old house back in the Seams.

Before winning the 74th Annual Hunger Games, I would have never thought I would be in this situation. I never thought I would be in the Capital. I never thought I would be standing naked in a stranger's house, if you could even call it that, oiling up my body with trembling hands.

My skin is pale and still smooth from the work that was done to it after the games. I spy the aqua silk/lace camisole hanging from the back of the closed door. I can't be in here too long or Peeta may start to think that I've gone through with my threat to off myself. Snow may think that I am fashioning a weapon to kill the fine citizens of the Capital or our _teacher_ may think that I'm 'Brooke n' myself, her words not mine.

Yes, Peeta is here as well, in another blue colored bathroom probably doing the same as I. Too bad Haymitch isn't here to give us a pep talk before these games just as he did once before. The room feels like it's spinning so I take a shaky breath needing to calm my nerves and remember why I am here doing this.

**The districts needed to celebrate after the devastating 75th Annual Hunger Games had no victor. District 12's two tributes had perished on the second day. The girl, Lurk, fell to her death while the boy, Barley killed himself; the games were just too much for him. And the last tribute standing on the third day was from District 8 but the game makers weren't able to get to her fast enough as she bled out right next to her final kill.**

**So, President Snow had the awesome idea to revisit some of the past victors. It was during this televised special that he decided to announce that in a few short months the world would get to watch our wedding as the ceremony took place. I was against it of course, yes Peeta and I had gotten closer and it had absolutely nothing to do with Gale freezing me out. It had nothing to do with the fact that he was now engaged to Madge Undersee, the Mayor's daughter. It had nothing to do with his new interest in district policies and procedures. _No, it did not!_**

**I knew that it was only a matter of time before the Capital would come back into our lives but I never pictured it forcing me into marriage. I figured that after the berries episode that I would be watched more closely especially since my family moved into Victors' Village. I had just come back from the Hob believing I had left the manipulators, only to walk in to find the ultimate one. Smelling of those damn roses, President Snow sat as proud as ever in our living room. My mother and Prim weren't there but Peeta was. The wedding was only a few days away in the Capital so we were more than shocked to see him in District 12.**

**"Ms. Everdeen, so happy you have finally joined us." He smiled while he looking towards my game bag as I placed it on the corner of the couch, next to me. I looked to Peeta as I sat beside him. He grabbed my hand lovingly but I could feel a small amount of pressure. I leaned closer to him as I spoke, "It's nice of you to take time out of wedding planning to come and see us but it was unnecessary. We are still scheduled to be in the Capital tomorrow, correct?"**

**"Oh, yes everything is still on schedule. I just wanted to give you both your wedding present early. Your mother had to run some errands and your sister Prim, went with her. Speaking of Prim, she is growing up so nicely, filling out beautifully actually."**

**I wanted to jump across the coffee table with the knife in my boot and cut his throat. Peeta being the voice of reason as usual stopped the train of conversation before I acted on my urges. "President Snow, Prim is a beautiful, developing young girl of that you are correct but what is this gracious; yet, uncalled for wedding present?"**

**"Mr. Mellark…"**

She eyed me as I came out of my musings; rounding the corner of the overly large room. The bed that dominated the center of the room looked weird. Only in the Capital would the citizens have round beds. I could tell that it had been stripped of the fancy pillows and coverings; the only thing still on it was a satin ice blue bottom sheet. I moved slowly towards it, still more angry than scared but I would not let them see me sweat.

I'm sure besides our _gracious host_, President Snow was watching from a feed playing somewhere in his _palace_. He had to make sure that his highest bidder got her money's worth. The woman had purplish looking skin but I guess she was trying for a rich or royal blue. The people here amaze me sometimes with their amoral take on life and others around them. The door on the other side of the room opened, Peeta was standing strong as he walked towards me.

He was only here because of me; he had given up allegiance to his family that day after the reaping. He really did love me and I was proud to call him my husband as of five hours ago. It's true we were in this situation because of my one weakness: Prim. Snow's plan had been set in motion way before he came to my house that fateful afternoon.

**"Mr. Mellark, my gift to you is simple," he leaned forward. "I'm giving you both a chance to help the progress and longevity of Panem." Of course that is what Snow would perceive as a gift; the smell of the white rose on his lapel wafted into my nostrils as he continued to speak. "However, if you refuse…you know what; let me tell you what it is first." His lips stretched straight over his glistening white teeth. "I'm giving you the opportunity to have a memorable wedding night. Where else can you say the giving of your virginity will save your country?"**

**Out the corner of my eye I can see that Peeta has the same look on his face as me. We knew that a trip off the crystal white shores of District 4 was not in his plans. Who knew what twisted thoughts he had in mind for the consummation of our marriage, maybe in a stadium full of on-lookers? My voice finally came back to me, "Why would we agree to that?"**

**He was currently looking out the window behind his chair when he turned just his head back towards us, "Ah Ms. Everdeen finally gotten your vice back. Well the reason why I know _you_ will agree is because if you don't I will take your precious little Primrose back with me and make her my bride. That would be a celebration in itself: The President of Panem joining with the Mockingjay's beloved sister." He sneered.**

**Staring into Peeta's ice blue eyes always helped to center me and right now I needed to be as much on my game as possible if I was going to sell this to everyone, including my husband. To save Prim I would do anything even let some sick freak watch me have sex for the first time. "You can begin." I made the mistake of looking at our _instructor_ as she liked to call herself. She truly believed that she was doing us a favor. As I heard it, President Snow sold this expensive once-in-a-lifetime one-on-one experience as a live sexual teaching session for the _Star-Crossed Lovers_, since we are both virgins and inexperienced.**

The winning bidder, our _tutor_, was sitting in a sterling silver and blue crystal throne. Her body was barely covered by a cobalt blue leather exposed harness teddy with matching thigh-high boots garnished by white ruffles attached to the ankles. "Now, dance for your husband. Take it slow." she said as she hit a button somewhere behind her; a slow drum beat emerged from invisible speakers that surrounded the room. Even though her voice was low I could still hear it clearly over the speakers that I'm assuming are built into the walls. "Katniss, move your hips more. Listen to the beat and try again. We are trying to arouse him not bore him."

Slowly building up enough courage, I swayed my hips in a circular motion. I, Katniss Ever… I mean Mellark; the Girl on Fire, the Mockingjay, can do this and give Snow the performance of a lifetime. "Okay, good Katniss! Now, Peeta remove your shirt and show Katniss your muscular chest." He huffed as he reached his right arm behind him to pull up his shirt from the back. It was the hottest thing I'd ever seen. His muscles were ripped in his arms, I wanted to lick them. Whoa, where did that thought come from? The most that we've ever done was kiss. Sometimes this fire would grow inside me when we were but then something or someone would always scorch it before it could devour me.

Apparently, I hadn't realized that I stopped dancing although my _captor_ had. Making a horrible screeching sound, "No, Katniss don't stop until I tell you to do so!" She shouted as her voice rang out with an edge. Turning my head I could see that she had a thin wire sticking to the side of her face, I guess it must be some strange type of microphone. This woman obviously needed to be in control; couldn't Snow have sold us to a shy sexually repressed nerd or something?

"Now, do as I say when I say it lovelies and we will all get along _just_ fine." She strained to say as her eyes bore into mine. I was reluctant to glance at Peeta knowing he would give me that 'don't_ make this any worse than it already is' _look. Picking up where I left off, my hips continued their dance. "Move close to him." she instructed. Approaching him cautiously, I kept my eyes on the only thing in the room that wasn't a shade of blue. There was a mural of a large oak tree on the wall behind the headboard of the bed.

Its large branches were sprung out. It reminded me of the tree my father taught me how to climb in. I would scale that tree for hours; it's one of my fondest memories of my father. Him helping me up from another fall on my bottom, mother hated how I would always come home bloodied and bruised. Looking at the mural, I swore the leaves started to move but that couldn't be, it's on a wall, it isn't a real tree. I jumped slightly as Peeta's hands grasped my moving hips. Apparently lost in my musing I hadn't realized that I had made it to him and that _she_ had given more instructions. "Finally, you are back with us now, Girl on Fire. This is the second time that you have decided to take the lead." She was in my ear now with her breath making goose bumps rise on my skin. "It's highly obvious to me that you feel you don't need my expert tutelage."

I opened my mouth to speak, to say I 'm sorry but before I could announce my appreciation for her: a sharp pain met my backside.

**In that moment I knew Snow wasn't ignorant to the rumbling in the other Districts, there was even whispering of an uprising in the Capital according to my prep team members: Venia and Octavia. "Yes, isn't that such a cute nickname that our fans have dubbed for Katniss," stated Peeta as he rose from his seat, "because of her token." He walked towards the bookshelf at the far right corner of the room to retrieve some of the gifts that some supporters had sent over the past year. Prim picked the ones that she liked the most and decided to displace them in the sitting room for when we had guests; which wasn't often.**

**He placed the two I actually favored onto the coffee table in between us and Snow, a wreath of silver mockingjays surrounded by oak tree leaves and a wooden plaque with a huge mockingjay carved into it. A group of young girls in District 11 who were friends with Rue made it.**

**Peeking at Snow, his nostrils flared as his eyes darkened. "Well, that is so _sweet_ of our citizens. And I'm sure that every last District will be out in droves as you two pledge to honor and obey Panem….I mean each other in just a few days."**

**After receiving a round of applause and catcalls from the obscenely large audience that attended our wedding in the great hall of the Capital, Peeta and I were granted thirty minutes of alone time. The look in his eyes was smoldering and as his lips parted my name was released from them like a prayer. I wrapped my arms around his neck after he enveloped me in his. "Isn't that _sweet,_ our two _Star-Crossed Lovers_ finally together." The President entered our wedding suite unannounced, "but don't get to handsy with each other now. That's promised to our winning bidder; at ten million even to Ms. Aqua-Marine Teal, a valued, wealthy, and highly dominate woman of the Capital."**

I crashed into Peeta toppling him onto the bed. We lifted and turned our heads to look at this _woman, _"Next time, it'll be your husband." This bitch was crazy and if it wasn't for the fact that I knew I couldn't get away with it; I would put my hands around her throat and squeeze.

She walked leisurely back towards her throne. Peeta placed his hands on my back making soothing circles as I winced at the contact. This night was going to be a long one. I lifted myself from him as the music changed and a woman's voice started to sing over some strange quick beat. The words were easy to follow about how she wasn't herself tonight and how she was doing all these strange things. I could understand I wasn't myself tonight either. I was never the girl who lusted after the boys in District Twelve.

I wasn't like the women who would sell themselves to Cray, the head peacekeeper, for food. Up until recently, I didn't even see Peeta in that way but like the song says 'in the morning…I'll go back to the girl I use to be but…not tonight.' Soon our _instructor_ emerged with two small glasses on a tray, "Drink." The liquid was tart but had a sweet undertone to it. Looking at Peeta, I could tell that he was weary of what could possibly be in it. The alcohol coursed through my system as I watched him slowly tilt the glass back taking a tentative sip. "No, drink it all. The faster you gulp it down the less it will burn." Not wanting to experience the lick of her whip again I hurriedly complied while my eyes pleaded with my husband to do so as well.

Thirty minutes later, the blue liquid had really started to take effect but that may have been due to the three additional 'shots', as our _mentor_ called them. I had picked up the beat easily and even though I had taken some leeway with my hands _she_ didn't seem to mind, as my hands skimmed across my breasts. Even Peeta seemed to enjoy the show that I was putting on as he groaned while finishing his fourth shot. "Yes, Katniss now brush your fingers across your nipples. Mmm, just like that." Her voice came out breathlessly.

Chancing a glimpse behind me I was met with the sight of our _sex guru's _legs spread wide. Her hands disappeared beneath the thin harness' straps, with moans escaping her lips. She motioned towards me with a head tilt to continue. I turned my body back around and dipped it low rising with my bottom poking up in the air. Moans and groans were heard both in front and behind me. "Remove her gown, Boy with the Bread." He stood from his sitting position and walked towards me. Maybe it's the heat from the alcohol or the look of longing in his eyes but my body wanted to jump on top of his. Running my hands along and in between my thighs I feel moisture. _Shit, did I pee on myself, no I didn't. _This must be what Cray and the men in the Hob call _'getting wet'_. Apparently, this is what girls are supposed to do.

My sexy as hell husband stands in front of me with a sway in his stance, "You're so beautiful, wife." He grasps the hem of my gown, which reaches my mid-thigh. Lifting it over my head with my hands raised, I stand naked before him, _our mentor_, and a _MIRROR!_ The tree's leaves have spread open displaying a round and large mirror. I am looking directly at my naked self as Peeta walks behind me. His hands skim my body making me shiver. I was becoming aroused; I think that's the word, yes I was becoming aroused as his hands rubbed over my breasts brushing my nipples with his fingertips.

I was crazed from the fire burning within. I know that as she instructed us to continue in this sinful lust that we were close. We were close to absolute fulfillment as he led me to the bizarre bed. He laid me upon it and stood, removing the last article of clothing. His body was tight, resting against mine. Whimpering with the mind-boggling pain of the connection that our bodies made, my head tilted back as he reached completely inside of me. "Ah, Peeta…" The groans of instant pleasure left my lips as I truly felt his love for me. I knew then, that no matter how many obstacles came our way we would fight them together: always together.

Shortly afterward we laid in our bliss forgetting our _watcher_, forgetting Snow and forgetting the cause; the cause that we both are more than willing to fight for. Evidently, we were not paying much attention to what was going on around us. His voice rang out around us, "Fabulous, just fabulous your audition was well received." sang Snow from a screen that popped out of the wall. I knew he had been watching. "The audience loved it especially when Ms. Everdeen, oops I mean Mrs. Mellark, finally let go of her inhibitions. I was able to book you both for the next six months."

I couldn't form words; all I could do was cling to my husband; as he did to me. "You should both be proud. Panem will continue to evolve." Yes, for now, but soon it will fall and we will all be free.

A/N: unedited verson on my TWCS account...check profile page


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